So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
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