I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
