Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
