Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
