Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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