She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
