please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
