i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
