He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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