I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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