Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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