So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
