You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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