I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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