someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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