Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
