What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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