allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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