I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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