I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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