I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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