Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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