Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
