In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
