Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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