hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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