You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
