imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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