i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize