She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
