the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
