I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
