I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
