he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
