youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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