Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
