Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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