if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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