just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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