i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
