gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Randomize