y did u give ur computer a hand job?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
