you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I lost the right to judge tonight
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Dear god my vagina.
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