I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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