Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
