last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
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