so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
