some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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