The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
