get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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