I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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