My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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