I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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