dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
