I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
