He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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