Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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