Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I need moral support for this bender
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
