Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
