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I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
