my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
He felt like a one man threesome
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
