And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
