i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
