Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
