I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
