is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
